The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
either way he was missing a nipple.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
