i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
