someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
