There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
