I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
