I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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