so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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