I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
whose parrot is this?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
