Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
