Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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