dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
