What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
