mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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