when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
