I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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