my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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