when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
