People with herpes should wear stickers.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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