either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
