His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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