shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
