a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
