Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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