Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
