There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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