i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
