Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
