i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
