ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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