We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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