Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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