If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
