Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
