Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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