I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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