went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
