The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
