I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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