bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
