im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
