He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
