is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
high people should be assigned attendants
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
