First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
