I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
