Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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