I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
