You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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