Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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