It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
