Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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