Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
