Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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