Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
