I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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