Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
