This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
