I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
