I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
