You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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