Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
