I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
