I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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