Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
