Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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