The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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