Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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