i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
