I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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