Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize