Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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