I can text with my tongue
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
