Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
