How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
