If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You ruined the universe
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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